Rea Book Reviews: If Only I Could Tell You by Hannah Beckerman.

Audrey's family has fallen apart. Her two grown-up daughters, Jess and Lily, are estranged, and her two teenage granddaughters have never been allowed to meet. A secret that echoes back thirty years has splintered the family in two, but is also the one thing keeping them connected.

As tensions reach breaking point, the irrevocable choice that one of them made all those years ago is about to surface. After years of secrets and silence, how can one broken family find their way back to each other?

Nearly five years ago I read The Dead Wife’s Handbook by Hannah Beckerman, an extraordinary debut that was flawless and so powerful that years on I still find myself recommending this book. I have been desperate for Hannah Beckerman to release another novel but now after reading her new release If Only I Could Tell You I can easily see why we have had a such a long wait for another book by her as this book has blown me away and the storyline is so intricately woven and full of such raw emotions it is perfection.

Jess has refused to have her sister Lily in any part of her life for the past 30 years after a situation occurred that left her unable to forgive Lily even after their mum Audrey’s attempts to get them to repair their broken relationship. Both Lily and Audrey are none the wiser as to what it is that Jess holds Lily responsible for but Audrey is desperate to bring her daughters back together.

The prologue introduces us to Jess and Lily and instantly creates intrigue and mystery reeling me in and I knew from this point I was going to be unable to put this book down, I wasn’t wrong!

As I made my way through each chapter which were told from the points of view of all three women, I found my mind jumping to all sorts of conclusions as to what on earth could have happened all those years ago to have such a devastating impact on Jess that has left her so emotionally charged that she couldn’t bear to have her sister around her.

I was expecting after reading the prologue to take a disliking to Lily but I found I was quite sympathetic to her character, it was clear she craved the love of her sister and found it so difficult not knowing what it was that her sister held against her. Jess was a character who I just wanted to hold, she seemed so cold and she had built up bridges to her heart not letting anyone in, even her relationship with her daughter was a distant one. Audrey was in such an impossible situation as a mother and especially with the problems she was facing, my heart went out to her and I was really hoping she would succeed in bringing her daughters together.

When things began to unravel it was such an unexpected desperate situation, I felt so vulnerable and incredibly moved that my heart actually ached for these characters and I had to remind myself that this was a work of fiction because I was so invested in the characters and the storyline it all felt so incredibly raw and real and although I finished this book a couple of weeks ago now it really has left a mark on me.

The author has such a unique style to her writing that is so sensitive and tender. Her words are loaded with emotion, she creates storylines that will break your heart in two but she also builds so much intrigue and tension by keeping us in the dark with her unpredictable storylines, cleverly letting our minds roam down the wrong path before dramatically pulling us down another devastating path.

I cannot put into words the effect this book had on me, it seems wrong to say I enjoyed it but it is a book that will not leave my bookshelf and I will certainly be recommending this book far and wide. I can easily see this being my book of the year for 2019 it sure is going to be a difficult one to beat.